I fell instantly in love with Little D the moment I became pregnant with her and couldn’t wait to extend my family. I’m the first to admit that having two little ones fairly close together was tough. Nothing quite prepared me for the all-consuming responsibility of mothering two such wonderfully demanding little people.
Having just seen a wonderful friend at the weekend who is 10 weeks into baby number two, I couldn’t help but reflect on just how challenging that time is. Her wonderful little fella has reflux (which Little D suffered with) and, like me, mummy is having to go dairy free to try and cure this upsetting malady that affects so many little newborns. From the mummy’s perspective, seeing your little one suffering is bad enough. Not being able to have a slice of cake and a cappuccino when exhausted just makes matters seem even worse!
At the start of the Summer after Little D turned one, I felt worn out and in need of a break. I’d survived the crazy first year but I was feeling a little bogged down by my role and the lack of freedom and space to even spare a thought for myself. I feel a little guilty admitting it – but it’s how I felt. On reflection, I think I was slightly lamenting the fact that, now I had two little lovelies, my life bore no resemblance to my pre-kid self and I was going through a period of acceptance that I had properly morphed into a Mother.
Some new mummies flip into their new roles seamlessly and without regrets. I didn’t quite feel like that. Sure, I loved my girls 110%, but a little part of me was slightly looking back over my shoulder at the life and liberty that I’d left behind. My husband pointed out to me however that this new world was itself quite transient and the girls would be grown up and self-sufficient before I knew it – so I should just fully embrace this time. So I did and I have.
This acceptance came at a time when the girls also turned their own corners. Big D came out of her ‘threenage’ state of mind and just got uber cool and Little D found her feet and voice and is just amazing. I love the baby stage, but I felt ready to progress and I’m loving every moment with the girls. I don’t drag my head off of the pillow in a state of exhaustion anymore. I hear Big D running to our bedroom and get super-excited when I hear Little D calling out, “Mummy, Daddy, Bot Bot !” (bot-bot being her little bottle of warm milk she has at daybreak). I love watching their morning antics in our bedroom – a little cheeky behavior of some sort always brings a smile to my face.
When my mother talks about us growing up, she said it was the happiest time in her life with days filled with so much joy. I used to think she was quite mad as I felt that juggling two babes on four hours sleep was tougher than training for the SAS! But now I get it.
It’s hard work but you reap what you sow. There is always going to be tough days and challenges but the joy inevitably overrides and suddenly you’re willing life to slow down as you never want this cherished time to pass.
If you ever come to read this, girls, I love you so much! My heart actually feels like it weighs a tonne in my body as it’s full of so much love for you both. You’ve become my best friends and I cherish every aspect of your developing personalities as they reveal themselves!
Love Mummy B