1. Are you back in your jeans yet? – I know it’s been a long time since you saw me in my skinny’s, and you may have forgotten how darn good I looked, but please don’t shoot a girl when she’s down. When I’m back in my jeans, I’ll let everyone know about it – I’ll be hanging from tall buildings shouting about it!
2. My baby was sleeping through the night by now… Medal? My little terrapin’s waking up every 2 hours, won’t take a bottle and uses me for a dummy – ‘cos it’s like that and that’s the way it is!
3.Are you going to have another one? – Don’t even go there, not yet!
4. Are you getting enough rest? – Of course you’re not, you’re a new mummy – basically super-human. You don’t need sleep, you never need to sit down and you’ve taken multi-tasking to a whole new level. Seriously, there’s nothing you haven’t learned to do one handed!
5.You look tired (often followed by 6 below) – Duh….I know! – Thanks for pointing it out though!
6. Why don’t you just sleep when the baby sleeps? (typically follows 5 above) – Didn’t you know I’m not a narcoleptic?!
7. I really can’t see you in him/her – So you’ve grown and nurtured this little being for the last 40 weeks through morning sickness, fatigue, and then gone through child birth to be told your Little Darling looks absolutely nothing like you – and just like dear Uncle Alfred! Brilliant…. If you have to, just lie!
8. Why is he crying? – Your guess is as good as mine, didn’t I tell you I’ve never done this before?!
9. Your Boobs are ginormous! – At a dinner party a rather sozzled guest once declared to the table that my dear friend’s Boobs were huge! #awkward! Even if you’re thinking it, just don’t!
10. She looks a bit jaundiced.. Response: “No – she’s fine, it’s just the light, she’s perfect. It’s just her olivey complexion… oh, hang-on a minute, maybe a little jaundiced, just a touch, she’ll be fine, ok we should maybe get her looked at… yes, she’s jaundiced alright – she’s been Tangoed.” (OK so this last one is acceptable..!)
Have you ever seen a cuter Umpa Lumpa? xxx
Love Mummy B